Four Years Gone
by Lady Avari
Summary: Evie Grey has been asked to join the Order of the Phoenix by an old schoolmate that she was less than happy to see. Without knowing of what adventures lay ahead agrees to help all she can. And maybe spark a romance she thought had no hope.Marauder Era.
1. Old Friends

**A/N: Tell me what you think. **

**Four Years Gone**

Summery: Evie Grey has been asked to join the Order of the Phoenix by an old schoolmate that she was less than happy to see. Without knowing of what adventures lay ahead she agrees to help all she can. She catches up with old friends, and maybe spark a romance that she thought had no hope. Marauder Era

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, okay? ;)

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Chapter 1: Old friends

"Surprise," Sirius Black said half-heartedly as I opened the door of my flat. He leaned nonchalantly on the opposite wall, his arms folded across his chest.

"Hmm, not a very good one," I replied, mimicking his folded arms. Why in hell was _he_ here, I asked myself.

"Oh, you lie. Four years it's been now, I thought it time for a reunion!" He said moving from his position on the wall. Two steps later he was in front of me, staring down with those same intense gray eyes I used to know so well.

"So, you going to let me in?" He asked softly tilting his head to one side.

"Not like you ever needed permission before," I said taking a few steps back to let him through the door.

"Nice place Evie," Sirius said his voice fading as he walked into the living room.

"Merlin," I whispered under my breath closing the door.

I followed him into the living room where I found him making himself quite at home. I took a deep breath and asked, "Erm, would you like a drink?"

"No, no. I don't think this will take much time," Sirius replied picking up a toy car from the coffee table.

"You have a kid now?" Sirius asked twirling the car around in his hand.

"Oh, no. It's my little brother. He's six. Stays over occasionally, when he needs to get away for a bit," I said siting across from him on the love seat.

"A six year old needing to get away?" Sirius asked with a small smile.

"You weren't the only one with bad parents, Sirius, I thought I told you about our father?" I asked trying to remember back to our Hogwarts days.

"Yes, well, its been a hectic four years," He said putting the car back down.

"I think that's enough with the small talk, Sirius. What did you come here for?" I asked seriously leaning back into my seat to get comfortable. Even though he said this wouldn't take long, I had a feeling it would.

"Order of the Phoenix, have you heard of it?" He asked looking me dead in the eye.

"Whispers about it," I said softly, biting my lip and casting my eyes to the floor trying to escape his stare.

"You know what's going on Evie, it's a war. The Order needs young witches like you on our side," Sirius said passionately.

"To fight against this Dark Lord? How did he get so powerful so fast anyway?" I asked on the edge of my seat. Finally my questions were going to get some sane answers, my investigative senses kicked in. I felt like I was getting a huge scoop.

"It wasn't fast. Apparently he has been rising since we were kids! He's been getting more and more followers and now they are taking action. Innocent muggles and half bloods are being killed every day! We need everyone we can get to help," Sirius exclaimed.

"Why would you need someone like me? I'm just a journalist! I write for the Daily Prophet! It's not like I can make the head line 'Join today!'" I said rolling my eyes.

"We need you for recruiting, and maybe even fighting when the time comes for it. We need your voice in the meetings, if anyone knows what's all going on in the wizard and muggle world it's you!" He said moving across to sit beside me.

"I have to think about this! This is a big thing!" I said, then glancing at the clock and reading 7:21 AM, I looked back at Sirius.

"7:20! I'm going to be late for work! Why did you come so early in the morning anyway?" I asked heading for the kitchen for some coffee.

"I have a job too you know! My day doesn't consist of recruiting pretty women," He said with a wink.

I rolled my eyes again and said, "So when do you need your answer? I'll probably be thinking about it all day, its hard to get something like that off your mind. Tonight?"

"We could meet at Locals? You know down the street?" He asked watching me stir my coffee.

"Yeah, I know. 8:30?" I asked.

"8:30," He confirmed.

* * *

"Okay, Evangeline?" Mr. Grant asked throwing some folders on to my desk. And as if the pile of folders couldn't get any bloody bigger.

"Yes sir, just a little out of it I guess. I had a late start this morning," I said picking up the folders and adding them to the ever growing stack.

"Well, looks like you've got a lot of work to do. So I'll leave you to it," He said walking back to his office. I made a face at him or rather at his closed door.

"Hullo Evie," Alanna said dropping her bag behind her desk.

"Are you just now getting in?" I asked raising my head to look at her. Her hair was half-way down her back and a dirty blond color today. Alanna has been my best friend for four years now, ever since I started working at the Prophet.

"Yeah, I had to take Wes to Diagon Alley this morning! He swallowed something weird again," She said picking up her stack of folders, which I happened to notice was considerably smaller than mine.

"Oh, sorry about that! I bet it's a sock again. Oh, and I like blond on you," I said still eying her folders. Wes is Alanna's owl who has seemed to take up the habit of eating socks, preferably striped ones.

"Thanks! So, we on for drinks after work?" Alanna asked.

"Yeah. Oh never mind, sorry, I forgot I'm meeting an old friend from school," I said remembering my brief meeting with Sirius this morning.

"A guy friend? Tell me!" Alanna said dropping the folders back of the desk and siting down in front of mine.

"Yes, but just a friend!" I said smiling at Alanna's eager face.

"Sure, sure. Just a _friend_," Alanna winked and then added, "Where are you meeting at?"

"Like I'd be daft enough to tell you! You'd follow me there!" I said laughing.

"Please! I wont, I promise! Tell me what he looks like then! I might know him," Alanna said eagerly.

"Shaggy black hair, gray eyes, very tall, motorcycle..." I said but Alanna's face was blank.

"Guess you don't know him," I said smiling.

"No, but he sounds handsome," Alanna sighed. I just smiled and kept working.

* * *

"8:30!" Alanna announced as we walked through the revolving doors of the Prophet.

"I think you are way too excited, you're not even meeting him!" I chuckled.

"So! You better go!" Alanna said.

"Okay, okay!" I said. I apperated to Locals where I found Sirius and Remus Lupin waiting outside.

"Oh Remus!" I said giving him a hug. He looked so tired and worn, these four years really took a toll on him. His light brown hair even had strands of gray at the temples that made him look older than he was.

"Ah, Evie! How are you?" Remus said with that boyish grin I knew and loved. Well at least one thing hasn't changed, I thought. I could also see that same glint of playfulness in his eyes. He was still the same old Remus.

"Fine, fine. And you!" I said smiling.

"Can't complain," He answered grinning, he glanced over at Sirius.

"Sirius," I said nodding my head. He smiled in return, gesturing toward the door. Remus walked ahead of us, Sirius leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Why didn't I get that warm of a welcome this morning?"

I looked back at him and he was smiling his trademark mischievous grin. He knew exactly why he didn't get that warm of a welcome! Sirius and I didn't leave Hogwarts on that good of terms. No, we left on horrible terms.

Remus had been there for me ever since first year to seventh. I never knew why we stopped talking after graduation. I barely ever spoke to any of my old friends from Hogwarts, scratch that, I _never_ spoke to _any_ of them.

Remus grabbed a table towards the back of the pub, where we were least likely to be over heard.

"So, you have an answer for us?" Sirius asked getting straight to business.

"Yes I have an answer, but first I would like to know a little more of what I'm getting myself into," I said looking at both of them for some answers.

"It was founded by Dumbledore, as probably already know. It's an organization for fighting against the 'Dark Lord'. Blah blah blah. I can't tell you much here, you never know who is listing!" Sirius said.

"Wow, that sure is helpful!" I said sarcastically.

Remus smiled that boyish grin and said, "We could tell you more at headquarters, but thats only if your on our side."

"Yes. I want to do everything I can to help. I don't know how much that will be, but I am willing," I said nodding my head to convince myself.

"Excellent!" Sirius said, then added, "Shall I get us some drinks?"

"Yes, the usual, all a round," Remus said smiling.

"What is the usual?" I asked watching Sirius's back walk toward the bar.

"Fire whiskey," Remus said.

"Oh no. I haven't had that in years. I don't usually go to magical pubs anymore," I admitted.

"Shame. That's probably why you don't see any of us!" Remus said teasingly.

"How are James and Lily?" I asked. I often wondered how Lily was, she had been my best friend for seven years in Hogwarts. We just sort of drifted apart after graduation.

"Their having a baby! She is three months along right now," Remus said smiling.

"Oh really! That's excellent! I wish I could see her!" I exclaimed, then sighed. Everything had changed, so much in just four years! A baby, a whole tiny person was inside Lily.

"You will if you come to headquarters with us. She is probably there now," He said glancing at his watch.

"After drinks, we'll go then?" I asked eagerly, reminding myself of Alanna.

"Sure," He said with a smile.

"Here we are!" Sirius said pushing a glass into my hand.

"Thanks," I said half-heartedly.

"Sirius, Evie wants to go to headquarters right after drinks," Remus said smiling.

"Really? Why?" Sirius asked turning to me.

"Lily," I said taking a sip of the burning liquid.

"You pulled out the Lily card, mate?" Sirius asked Remus laughing.

"No, she asked first," He said taking a gulp out of his goblet.

"Its not like you can go anyway," Sirius said.

"Why can't I?" Remus asked.

"If you were paying any attention to the last meeting you would have realized that you volunteered your self to go recruit tonight," Sirius smiled and winked at him.

"What! Bollocks," Remus said sighing.

"I would have warned you mate, if you hadn't been staring at a certain cousin of mine!" Sirius said playfully hitting him on the arm.

"I wasn't staring. She had blue hair for Merlin's sake! Who couldn't have been staring!" Remus said laughing.

"Better get going, Moony. Oh, and here's your list," Sirius said handing him a piece of crumpled paper.

"Damn," Remus said glancing at the parchment then added looking up, "Sorry I can't come with you."

"That's okay, maybe some other time, yeah?" I said smiling.

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll be see a lot more of each other now. Bye then," Remus said looking back down at the parchment.

"Bye Remus," I said.

"I'll stop by later Moony, okay?" Sirius said smiling and Remus's back. I heard a faint distracted "okay" from Remus.

"Can't believe he fell for that!" Sirius said downing the last bit of drink in his goblet.

"What?" I asked confused.

"Ha! That was my list! He wasn't paying a bit of a attention today in the meeting so he wouldn't have known I got assigned to do that!" He said laughing.

"Same old Sirius," I said shaking my head.

"What? And you're not the same old Evie?" Sirius asked smirking.

"I think I've changed some," I said setting my drink on the table. I decided that I had not missed fire whiskey at all!

"Yeah. Like you used to be able to down that stuff," He said eying my still full mug of whiskey.

"Muggle liqueur isn't as strong as this," I said sending a disgusted look towards the mug.

"So you ready to go to headquarters?" Sirius asked standing up then coming around the table to pull my chair out for me. _Maybe not the same old Sirius_, I thought standing up. He smiled and led the way out of the pub.

As soon as we were out the pub Sirius pulled a scrap piece of parchment out of his pocket and handed it to me. It read Saber Sanctuary.

"Saber Sanctuary?" I asked raising my eye brows.

"Yeah," He said then apperated.

"Thanks for waiting," I sighed then apperated.

* * *

"What the hell?" I asked looking around. Sirius was no where to be seen and the only thing in sight defiantly did not look like a "sanctuary". It was a shack that look like it was being held up by exactly two nails.

"Sirius!" I exclaimed stomping my foot in to the soggy grass, my heal sunk into the ground.

"Great," I said to myself.

"What are you waiting for?" Sirius said peeking his head outside the door.

"I would ask if you're serious, but I know what the answer will be," I said with a sigh and pulled out my heal. Sirius just smiled and opened the door for me.

"Wow," I said exasperated, and from all different directions I heard 'Evie!'.

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**A/N: Review! **


	2. A Spot of Trouble

**A/N: Thanks to **_**muzical **_**and **_**rubudu**_** for reviewing the first chapter. Much appreciated. :)**

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Summery: Evie Grey has been asked to join the Order of the Phoenix by an old schoolmate that she was less than happy to see. Without knowing of what adventures lay ahead she agrees to help all she can. She catches up with old friends, and maybe spark a romance that she thought had no hope. Marauder Era

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Don't own anyone, but my own characters.

Chapter 2: A Spot of Trouble

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"Wow," I said exasperated, and from all different directions I heard 'Evie!'. I looked around the elaborate room in search for the source of the sound. I saw Lily and James sitting together at a mahogany dinning table, papers spread in front of them as if they where planning something. Frank and Alice Longbottem stood by a blazing fire, Mad Eye Moody (who I have only met once before) stood by Lily and James. Their were two others, but I had never met them. The room was large with cathedral ceilings and chandeliers hanging from them. The walls were covered in paintings and one wall had a chalkboard with written phrases that meant nothing to me. 

Lily stood up and clasped a hand to her mouth. I smiled weakly at her, my brain was being flooded by fond memories of our Hogwarts days. I realized how much I missed her.

"Lily," I said walking over to her and squeezed her tightly. She returned it and whispered, "I missed you, Evie!"

"I've missed you too!" I whispered back, we were still hugging as if there was no tomorrow. Then I heard a small cough and saw James standing there smiling.

"James!" I said letting go of Lily and giving him a hug as well. I could feel my eyes starting to fill with salty tears.

"Evie, don't you dare cry. Because I'll start to cry," Lily said, but she was already crying as she said this.

"You're pregnant!" I stated out of the blue, remembering what Remus had told me.

"Yes," Lily laughed through her tears.

"Do you know if it is a boy or girl?" I asked curiously. I hope it would be a girl, Lily had always told me she wanted a girl.

"It's a boy," James said proudly with a huge smile.

I grinned back and said, "That's great!"

Sirius clapped James on the back and said, "Lily is the only reason Evie came tonight."

I shot him a look, then smiled back at Lily. Alice and Frank walked over to me and said hello, Alice said she was also pregnant with a boy.

"They can grow up together," I said to them, smiling at the two couples and Sirius.

"Well hello, Evie," Moody said gruffly patting me on the back with such force I thought my knees would buckle.

"Hullo Moody," I replied but walked away rather quickly over to Lily, trying to avoid another pat on the back.

"Evie, this is Emmeline Vance and Marlene McKinnon," Lily said to me as I shook the other two ladies hands.  
"Evie Grey. Nice to meet you two," I said politely.

"Likewise," Marlene said with a thick Scottish accent.

Sirius came up behind me and said to them both, "She's joining us, ladies. So you know, treat her nice." I turned and gave him a look but he just smiled.

"When _haven't_ we been nice?" Emmeline asked smiling, winking at Sirius.

Sirius just raised his eye-brows at the two of them. They both walked away leaving me and Sirius alone.

"We have a meeting tomorrow night at 9:50 so you can..." He said but was interrupted by a loud clap of thunder. I shuddered closing my eyes tightly. Storms, I _hate_ storms! Sirius, still standing behind me, put a hand on my waist.

"Okay?" He asked concerned.

"Fine," I said stepping away and facing him.

"You sure?" I nodded and he continued, "So you can get here a little early if you want."

"Sounds good," I said nodding my head. He smiled down at me, I sighed, he was_ so_ much taller than me at least a good two heads. I stepped around him to find Lily and say goodbye.

"Lily, I think I'm going to head out. But I'm _defiantly_ going to be here tomorrow," I said giving her another hug.

"Good. I know your curious ways, I knew you would be coming tomorrow to see what it's all about," Lily said running a hand over her stomach absentmindedly. I don't think she even realized that she had done it.

"You got that right," I said grabbing my messenger bag off the table, I threw the strap of it over my thin shoulder.

"Bye James," I said waving to him from across the room. He saluted me then turned back to Sirius. Sirius cast a long sideways look, I could see the edges of his lips forming into a smirk. I rolled my eyes and headed for the door.

As soon as I stepped outside I whipped around expecting to see some mansion standing before me, but no, it was the same shabby shack that was there before.

"Hello Evie, on your way out?" I heard a male voice say behind me, I turned around too quickly causing my long curly hair to whip me in the face. I pushed the brown locks out of my eyes seeing Remus and Peter Pettigrew. Peter was still the way I remembered him a short and somewhat chubby little man, with watery blue eyes. Something was...different. Their was something behind his eyes that hadn't been there before. I shook my head of these senseless thoughts and shook his hand warmly. I didn't feel compelled to hug him like I had with Remus and James. Peter and I were never close during school, he would always make up an excuse to get away when I came round.

"Nice to see you again Peter," I said smiling down at him. _Finally, _I thought, _someone I'm taller than. _

"Ditto," He said lamely. _Ditto? Who says that? _I thought.

"So are you coming to the meeting tomorrow?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I am," I said giving him a weak smile as another clap of thunder shook the earth.

"Well we better get inside and you better apparate, the clouds are about to break," Remus said knowingly glancing up at the sky. I glanced up too as a flash of lighting lit up the gloomy night sky.

* * *

I apparated into a back alley behind my building. I had muggles who lived there too, so I couldn't apparate into the hallway. I also couldn't apparate inside my flat because of wards I had placed on it, so I had to do it the hard way. It was already raining there I was soaked to the bone by the time I reached the front door of the building. I climbed three flights of stairs and came to my door, fumbling with the keys in the door, unlocked it and pushed it open. Flinging off my bag from my shoulder, I started peeling off the wet clothing and throwing them into a pile. I got down to only my bra and knickers when someone said;

"Well I was hoping for a warmer welcome than this morning, but this is much better," Sirius Black said smirking, stepping out of my dark living room in to hall.

"How did you..." I asked perplexed, then realizing I was only in my underwear rushed past Sirius in my bedroom and slammed the door. I came out a few minutes later with some black track pants on and a gray shirt that said 'Eat. Sleep. Journalism.'

"Weird shirt," Sirius said looking at what I had changed into.

"Alanna thought so too," I said walking towards the kitchen.

"Who?" He asked following my footsteps.

"Alanna, my best friend," I said getting a mug out of the cabinet.

"Thought Lily was your best friend?" Sirius asked he said siting at my little wooden kitchen table.

"She was, I mean she still is in a way. But I hadn't seen her in four years," I said tapping my cup with my wand, it filled with steaming tea instantly.

"Understandable," He said nodding, he perked up at the smell of the tea.

"I suppose you want some?" I questioned raising my eyebrows.

"Well, since you're offering," Sirius said smiling. I rolled my eyes getting another mug.

"So why are you here, oh, and how in bloody hell did you get in?" I asked demandingly after getting his tea.

"You're wards aren't as good as you thought they were," He said grinning. Yes, they were. I had Dumbledore himself put those wards up.

"Yes they are," I stated.

"Okay, they are. But," He said grinning mischievously, "what good are wards when you have a spare key under the mat?" I had forgotten about that key, I just huffed and took a sip of tea.

"I'm here to give you this," He said pulling out a long, thin, green box. I took it, looking curiously at it. I opened it slowly, it revealed a sliver bracelet. Their was a round pendant dangling from it with 'Evie' engraved on it.

I looked at Sirius speechless, why? He just smiled and took the bracket from me and clasped it on my wrist.

"Every Order member wears something that can signal them to any emergency meeting," He said, then cocking his head to one side added, "You didn't think...?"

"No! I just didn't know what... it was for," I said looking back down at my bangle.

He smiled knowingly and said, "I wear a necklace to signal me. It sort of tingles when it goes off." He pulled a woven silver chain from under his shirt.

"That's the necklace that I..." I began but stopped myself. _I_ had given him that necklace when we were in Hogwarts.

"You gave me? Yeah, Dumbledore went threw my things and found it. He charmed it and told me to wear it as a signal," He said slipping it back down his shirt.

"He went threw your things?" I asked, oddly weirded out by Dumbledore going through another man's possessions.

"I was being...difficult, again," He said chuckling coldly. The doorbell rang, it startled me so I jumped out of my chair. I read the wall clock, 10:16. Who could that be? Hopefully not Benji or worse Cam...

I rushed to the door, Sirius followed me.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Alanna! I wanted to see how your..." She said but I swung the door open before she could finish. I knew she was about to say something about 'my meeting with an old friend'.

"...night went," She finished dully seeing Sirius standing beside me. She was wide eyed with her jaw dropped.

"Alanna, _beautiful_ name. Sirius Black," He said winking and stretching out his hand to her.

She shook it and looked back at me.

"Alanna?" I asked carefully.

"Um, yeah. Sorry! Err, I'll see you tomorrow at work!" She said smiling and with a pop she disappeared.

"I told her not to do that in the hall!" I exclaimed checking the hall making sure no one saw.

"And you," I said turning on him, "don't flirt with her!"

"Hey! I was being polite!" He said smiling putting his hands up. I huffed and closed the door.

"She is awfully pretty though," He said fiddling with the toy car again.

"She is a Metamorphmagus," I said then adding, "playing again with that car are we?"

"Yeah, I quite like it," He said.

"Benji has bunches of them, he loves them," I said thinking of my baby brother. Then slapped a hand to my forehead.

"I forgot!" I said stupidly.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Benji's coming over tomorrow, but we are having that meeting!" I said.

"Oh that's okay, he's six right?" Sirius asked, I nodded yes and he continued, "Nympie's around the same age, she is a Metamorphmagus too, they can play together."

"You sure that's okay?" I asked worried.

"'Tis fine. Really," I said reassuring me, I sighed in relief.

"I better be off," He said glancing at his watch.

"Okay," I said stifling a yawn.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Evie," Sirius said heading towards the door.

"Bye," I said to him, then remembering something called out, "Don't apparate in the hall!"

"Yes ma'am!" He said closing the door. But alas, I heard a faint 'pop' from behind it. Once a marauder always a marauder. Then the phone rang, I jogged over to it and put the receiver to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Thank Gods you're there, Evie! I'm in a spot of trouble," The male voice said. I knew who it was instantly and slammed the receiver down.

It rang again, I debated whether to pick up. I sighed and picked up the phone, "Yes?"

"Don't hang up! I'm in trouble, I need to come to your place and stay tonight! Please, Evie..." He said again.

"Cam, I don't think that's going to solve your problems!" I said sternly to my older brother.

"Please Evie..." He begged.

"Fine," I said giving in and hanging up. I heard a pop outside the door. _Why can't people do what I ask and apparate outside! _I thought.

The door opened and Cam hurried threw it. I surveyed him; that same buzzed brown hair and black leather jacket.

"Hello my favorite sister!" Cam said light-heartedly. He took off his leather jacket revealing a white t-shirt, and placed over the couch.

"I don't think I need to remind you, I'm your only sister," I said shaking my head.

"Well that's just another reason your my favorite! Is Benji here?" He asked looking around.

"No, he'll be here tomorrow," I said quietly. I looked at his arm, he had a new tattoo there it was a black skull with a snake coming out of the...mouth. I knew that skull too well. I wrote a column about the deaths that occurred under that very skull every week.

"Oh Merlin Cam..." I said my voice fading away then adding almost in a whisper, "What have you done?"

* * *

**A/N: Review please...tell me if you like it or if it is awful?**


	3. The 'Good' Side

**A/N: Thanks to ****muzical, ****rubudu, ****Nicoley117-LadyBlueMartini****, Padfootz-luver****, Cassie93****, and****Wenni3****for reviewing the first and second chapters. Much appreciated:) I looked at my stats for the story and I see that more people are reading but not reviewing! Please...tell me you thoughts...I might even throw in a penny?! ;) Oh and sorry for any mistakes, I have no beta reader for this its just me. :) **

Summery: Evie Grey has been asked to join the Order of the Phoenix by an old schoolmate that she was less than happy to see. Without knowing of what adventures lay ahead she agrees to help all she can. She catches up with old friends, and maybe spark a romance that she thought had no hope. Marauder Era

Rating: T

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but my own characters...but I do wish I owned Sirius...:)**

Chapter 3: Cam the Trouble Maker

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"Oh Merlin Cam..." I said my voice fading away then adding almost in a whisper, "What have you done?" 

He looked down at his muddy black converses then back up at me with pleading eyes.

"Cam..." I said testing his name, it sounded foreign rolling off my tongue. My brother? _My brother? _How could he do this!

"Don't look at me that way," He said collapsing beside me on the couch. He bent down putting his face in his hands.

"Is that why you're in trouble? You're running from _them_?" I asked, hesitantly placing my hand on his back. I saw him nod his head 'Yes'.

"Oh Cam, why?" I asked. I could feel my eyes prickling with tears.

"I picked a side," He said lamely.

"Well you picked the wrong one!" I said my voice raising ever so slightly.

"Obviously," He said chuckling coldly.

"Just...why?" I asked.

"Dad," He said simply.

"Be serious, Cam! You and Dad may have your differences, we all do, but he's not the reason for all of your problems!" I scolded him.

"No, Evie. He's one of _them_," Cam said quietly.

"What! That's not possible, it's just not...it can't be!" I said to Cam determined.

"And why not?" Cam asked.

"I know he is dreadful but no, he is not a Death Eater. He wouldn't kill innocent people!" I said shaking my head.

"Oh really! Bloody hell Evie! I would know if he was or not! I am one! Did you even grow up in the same house as us?! You know him! You _know_ him," He said standing up and looking down at me with anger in his blue eyes. I've only ever seen that much anger in his eyes once before, it was right after our Mum died.

"Yes I _know_ him Cam! But he is _not_ a Death Eater! I mean, it's Dad," I exclaimed.

"Exactly, it's _Dad_! You know, you've always been able to turn your head the other way when something goes wrong! Like you _never_ want to believe something terrible has happened to _you_! It took me twenty-three damn years to figure it out but finally the light has shown through! You're so selfish! All you can think about is your self and if for one ruddy second your world is falling apart- you can't take it! You _can't_ bloody take it! You run from the world!" He yelled down at me stressing his words with his hands.

"You always pretend everything is wonderful! Well Evie, everything is _NOT_ wonderful! It never has been and we can only hope to God it will be in the future! I've realized that, even Benji has realized that!" He said then adding in almost an inaudible whisper, "So why can't you?"

I took the criticisms and insults as they were hatefully thrown at me. I thought about what my brother said carefully. I let the tears fall that had been building in my eyes and said;

"You want to know why I pretend everything is okay? I do it because if I don't, I'll break down. I wouldn't have made it to were I am today if I hadn't. When Mum died I knew I had to be strong for my brothers, that I had to take care of you two. I don't know why I turn my head, or run from the truth. It's just easier, I suppose. And if I only thought about my self I would have stopped looking out for you years ago. I was just trying...trying to be strong."

Cam fell back on to the couch beside me and said quietly, "I didn't mean any..."

"No, Cam, you did," I said wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Well maybe a little," He said trying to smile but failing and throwing his head back in his hands.

"What made you quit?" I asked leaning back into the couch closing my eyes.

"I can't just up and quit. I know too much, all I can do is run and hope to live to see tomorrow," he said muffled by his hands.

"So why are you running then?" I questioned.

"At first I was just putting Imperious curses on some blokes, and a few Cruciatus curses here and there. Which I didn't like, but I never did enough damage to kill someone. Today I was given an address to go to and...kill these people. I had no idea who they were or what they did to deserve death. I was just told to do my job without questions. I went to the address and knocked on the door..."

"You knocked on the door of the innocent people you were about to murder? Isn't that polite," I said sarcastically.

"Shut it will you? Anyway I knocked on the door and a little girl opened it, she couldn't have been but six or seven. I couldn't help but to think to my self 'What if this were Benji?' or 'What if this were my own child?'. I just told her I had the wrong house and left. I couldn't do it, I never would be able to kill a little girl," He said standing up again and pacing the room.

"Are they looking for you now?" I asked worriedly, looking out the window with paranoia.

"No, but they will tomorrow when I don't show up for the meeting. That's why I came, to say goodbye," he said walking back over to the couch.

"But Cam, you're going to run! You're not going to..." I stopped not being able to say 'die'. That was something I couldn't bare to think about.

"Yes I'm going to run! But I have to run far, this is not like the police. I can't just crash at your place for a few days in hopes that it will pass over! These people are cold blooded murders," He said seriously. I could see fear in his eyes, I had never seen my older brother so scared in my life.

"What have you gotten yourself into Camryn?" I asked using his full name, I felt a new batch of tears welling up in my eyes. _What if I never see my brother again? _I thought helplessly. I loved him, of course he got in trouble too much and I was always the one to help him, but I loved him.

"I don't know. When I joined, Dad told me how proud he was of me. I felt like I was finally accepted, like I belonged. I realize now how stupid I was," He admitted.

"You're not stupid Cam, you just don't think," I said pushing a few curly strands of hair off my forehead.

"Yeah, well. Its okay if I stay tonight? I'm going to have to leave before 8:45 tomorrow night. That's when the meeting is. I don't know how long I'll be gone," He said kicking off his converses and leaning his head back on the couch.

"Of course you can stay! I might not see you again... for a long time," I said. I added 'for a long time' because I didn't want him to know how scared I was that he might not come back.

"I wish I could see Benji before I leave," He said picking up the toy car that Sirius had been playing with.

"You will. He'll be here early tomorrow. I think I'll take the whole day off instead of half and stay here with you guys," I said watching him twirl the car between his fingers.

"You don't have to..." He began but I interrupted him.

"Yes I do. And don't try to fight me on it, I'll win," I said playfully punching his arm. Cam snorted a laugh and nodded.

"I bet you're staying neutral through this whole war, hmm? You never wanted to join something that would affect your writing," I asked.

"Actually, I picked the 'good' side," I said smiling weakly.

"Oh no, you might accidentally write with bias! Isn't that one of the rules of being a Journalist? I remember you used to go on and on about them when you were in college," He said trying to remember what I used to go on and on about.

"Ethical standards? Yeah, thats one of them. I'm surprised you remember that," I said.

"Yeah well," He said letting out a small chuckle.

"It's late, we better be getting to bed. You need a good nights sleep before you have a price on your head," I said getting up from the couch.

"Very funny," He said and hugged me goodnight.

"See you in the morning Camy," I said using his old childhood nickname.

He went into the guest bedroom and I to my room. I thought about everything that had happened today, it was all happening so fast. My brother and father are Death Eater's, I joined the Order, and I'm on friendly terms with Sirius Black again. And to my surprise the one I found most shocking was the last. I never would have thought that to happen.

"Odd, how some things turn out," I said to myself slipping under the bedspread. I tossed and turned for hours never drifting into sleep, I couldn't stop think of my brother. I was trying to evolve a plan to save him, as I had done so many times before. I always found a loop hole through the trouble he whined himself up in. After another hour of sleepless rest, I had given up on finding out a solution.

_It's hopeless! _ I thought sighing. Then right as I started to drift into sleep, it hit me. I knew what he had to do! It was going to be difficult for him, but if he could pull it off...

I sprang up from my bed and rushed to the guest bedroom and threw open the door. I found Cam just sitting on his bed staring into space. He looked up at me and smiled.

"I_ knew_ you would think of something!" He exclaimed.

"It's not going to be easy for you..." I began and told him my plan. He nodded and smiled at me, a real Cam smile, one that I had not seen in a long time.

"Where would I be with out you?" He asked hugging me again.

"In jail or dead," I said pulling away from him and returning to my room. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

* * *

**A/N: Come on! Review! Or I'm holding the story hostage and you shall never have any more chapters! Please:)**


	4. Burial

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! **

**If anyone was wondering...my timing is completely off in this fic. I was doing some figures and Evie would have left Hogwarts in 1970, which means this fic would be taking place in 1974. But if it was taking place in 1974 Lily would not be pregnant with Harry. Because Harry is not born until July 31, 1980. Lily and James die in 1981...so my time is completely off. But we are just going to pretend that they all left Hogwarts in 1977 and now it is January 5, 1980. K? Sorry about that...maybe I should have done that before I started writing this. **

Summery: Evie Grey has been asked to join the Order of the Phoenix by an old schoolmate that she was less than happy to see. Without knowing of what adventures lay ahead she agrees to help all she can. She catches up with old friends, and maybe spark a romance that she thought had no hope. Marauder Era

Rating: T

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but my own characters...but I do wish I owned Sirius...:)**

Chapter 4: Burial

I turned over and hit my screaming alarm clock, it fell off the table with a loud thud. I rubbed my eyes and wondered if yesterday really happened, or had I just woken from a very real feeling dream. To my dismay, I could hear Cam stirring in the room next to mine. I sighed throwing the covers off my body and walking out my room.

"Morning," Cam yawned, pouring me a cup of coffee.

"Morning. Thanks," I said as he handed me the mug.

"I was thinking, why is it going to be difficult for me? I mean I've staid in one place for a while," He said stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

"You hate having to stay in one place! And who knows how long you'll be there for," I said raising my eyebrows. My brother could never be in one place too long, he said his skin would start to crawl with itching feeling to move.

"Yeah, but I can do this. It's die or sit in a house all day, I think we both know which is the better option here," He said cocking his head to one side and smiling a goofy grin. In the back of my mind I wasn't so sure he could.

"I guess I have some owls to send," I sighed rising from my kitchen stool.

"You can use Blade if you want, I don't think Raz is back from hunting yet," Cam said his voice fading away as I went into my office. He was right, Raz wasn't back yet. So I went in the guest room to get the pitch black owl.

"Hey Blade," I said as he hopped onto my arm. _Blade is such a stupid name for a bird,_ I thought. Blade then nipped at my arm painfully.

"Ow! Stop that! " I said making my way back to my office. I sat down behind my desk and began writing the two letters.

_Mr. Grant;_

_I'm very sorry but I can't make it into work. I know I was taking a half day anyway today, but a important family matter has risen. Would you please tell Alanna to bring my folders by my flat? I need to work on the Death Eater Arrest story. Sorry again._

_Sincerely,_

_Evangeline Grey_

I grabbed another blank sheet of parchment and began the second letter;

_Dear Sirius,_

_I need your help, please come to my flat as _soon_ as you get this. Thanks._

_-Evie_

_Never_ would I have thought that I, Evie Grey, would _ever_ need Sirius Black's help again. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and this was a very desperate time. I attached both the letters to Blade's foot and watched him flap out the window.

Then I heard the doorbell ring twice in the hall, Cam poked his head threw the door way.

"Want me to get it?" He asked like a hopeful child, I got up and went into the hall.

"Are you crazy? I bet that's Benji, Dad is probably with him!" I said pushing him into the guest room and closing the door. I opened the front door and saw Benji and my father standing there.

"Evie!" Benji exclaimed throwing his arms around my middle. I placed a hand on his head then bent down to give him a proper hug.

"Hi Dad," I said standing back up. Benji ran into the living room, were I could faintly hear him say, 'I was looking for that!'.

"Hello. I don't know why he gets so excited about his visits here," Aiden Grey said with a scowl. I just smiled, I knew if I opened my mouth something would slip out that I would regret.

"You haven't seen Camryn today, have you?" He asked peeking his head around the door to look around.

"No, sir. I talked to him on the phone yesterday, he seemed fine," I said politely, covering for my brother. He made a sound of agreement and looked at his wrist watch. Just then a loud 'popping' noise happened right beside him and a worried looking Sirius Black appeared.

"Evie is everything ok I just..." Sirius said stopping at the look he saw on my face, my dad was busy looking him up and down with eyes of criticism.

"Sirius this is my dad, Aiden Grey. Dad this is Sirius Black," I said to them both.

"A Black? I know the Blacks', good people," Aiden said holding out his hand.

"Uh, thanks sir, but I think we've met before. I used to go to school with Evie," Sirius said raising his eyebrows and shaking his hand. I knew he had raised his eyebrows at the phrase 'good people'. I almost let out a snort of laughter.

"Oh yes, you used to date?" Aiden asked to make sure he was remembering correctly.

"Yes sir, we did," Sirius said with a slight smirk, I rolled my eyes thinking of the last two years in Hogwarts. Aiden gave a short nod of agreement and looked at his watch.

"I must be going now," Aiden said quickly then apperated without a goodbye.

"Well goodbye to you too," I said slamming the door behind Sirius. I turned to see Sirius looking in my eyes intently the worry etched back into his face.

"I just got your letter, came straight away. What's wrong?" He asked reaching out and touching my arm. I backed away, hitting the door behind me. Sirius frowned and withdrew his hand.

_How bloody fast is that owl I sent? _I thought.

"I just need to ask you if Cam can stay at Saber Sanctuary?" I asked with pleading eyes.

"Of course. But its not really my decision, it's Dumbledore's. He'll say yes, you know he will," Sirius said then adding, "Why does he need to stay there?"

I swallowed, then casting a look down then back to his eyes said, "I think it's better if he tells you."

"Sure," Sirius agreed. He followed me to the guest bedroom and I knocked on the door.

"Cam?" I asked at the door.

"Yeah? Can I come out now, is Dad gone?" He asked muffled by the wood.

"Not just yet. Sirius is coming in, just tell him everything, okay?" I said opening the door. Sirius looked at me with a odd expression and went into the room closing the door. I headed into the living room to talk with Benji. _I hope Sirius understands,_ I thought.

Sirius came out the room a good fifteen minutes later, grabbed my arm and took me into the kitchen out of young listening ears way.

"Why didn't you tell me yesterday?" He demanded his expression hard.

"Because I didn't know until you left last night!" I exclaimed, I watched him pace the kitchen floor.

"I don't know. The Order members aren't going to like this. They will think he is a spy, no mater how much information he gives us about Voldemort. He can't know _that_ much, Voldemort doesn't trust easily. Why did you ask me? What would I know about this?" He asked finally stopping in front of me.

"I thought you might give me some advice! That you might be able to tell me whether Dumbledore would say yes, or anything really. I don't know! I was panicked!" I admitted, stomping my foot.

"Why doesn't he run?" Sirius asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I actually want to see _my_ brother again, Sirius!" I said crossing my arms.

"You will be putting Headquarters and its members into danger with him being there!" He said his voice rising. He took a step closer to me, we were shooting daggers into each others eyes.

"As you said, it's not your decision whether he stays or goes," I said firmly clenching my teeth.

"No, but Dumbledore easily trusts. He will let him stay, even though the rest of the order will advise against it," Sirius said breaking eye contact.

"You and Cam were once friends Sirius," I reminded him. It was true, Sirius and my brother were friends during school. They were never as close as he and James but they were friends all the same.

"This is war," Sirius began but I interrupted him.

"He made a mistake!" I exclaimed grabbing Sirius's arm because he was threating to turn and walk away. He looked down at my shaking arm that was grasped to his, then back up to my eyes. His eyes had softened from the intense glare he had been baring.

We stared at each other for a few more seconds when finally he said, "I'll talk to Dumbledore."

"Thank you," I said weakly, letting go of his arm. We walked back into the living room were Cam and Benji were playing with toy cars, pushing them along the wooden table.

"Hullo," said Benji, momentarily looking up from his muggle toys.

"Benji this is my friend Sirius," I said kneeling down by the table.

"He's your boyfriend?" Benji asked innocently.

"No, just a friend," I said quickly. Sirius smiled and pulled a chocolate frog from his leather jacket pocket handing it to him.

"Like chocolate frogs?" Sirius asked with a smirk.

"Yeah," Benji said his eyes lighting up. Benji tore into the wrapper and pulled out the wizarding card. It was Albus Dumbledore smiling back with twinkling eyes.

"Dad doesn't like him," Benji said truthfully watching the magical frog leap across the table.

"Dumbledore is a great man, you'll get to meet him tonight and decide for yourself," I said smiling catching the frog and handing it back to him. Sirius and I got back up and walked to the front door.

"You're still keeping chocolate frogs handy?" I asked smiling.

"Yeah, I've done it since school. It's a habit to throw a few in my pocket, besides Remus loves them," He said then adding on a more serious note, " I'll talk to Dumbledore then send you an owl."

"Okay," I said closing the door behind him. I heard a faint 'pop' and sighed.

A few hours later a tawny owl pecked at my window. I opened it letting her soar threw and settle on my arm, I took the letter and handed the owl a treat. It hooted appreciatively and flew out the open window. The letter read;

**Dear Julia,**

**Dumbledore said to bring Cam along with you tonight. I couldn't really tell what he was thinking when I told him the story, he just said to bring Cam along. See you tonight.**

**-Sirius**

I sighed with relief, Cam was going to be okay. Hurried into the living room where Cam was now teaching Benji how to play exploding snap.

"Cam, you're coming tonight," I said smiling. He jumped up and hugged me tightly.

"Thank you, thank you. You always help me even when..." He started but he just hugged me tighter and then sat back down with Benji. I smiled at the two of them and settled myself on the couch. Just as I had began to close my eyes the shrill sound of the doorbell echoed through the hall.

I got up and went to the front door, opening it I found Alanna holding my mountain of multicolored folders.

"Oh Alanna let me help you!" I said laughing at the sight of her wobbling back and forth with the folders.

"Please do!" She said hand over half of the the sack. She gave me a thankful smile and walked into my apartment liked she lived there. She walked into my living room depositing the files on my coffee table.

"Oh, hullo Cam," She said putting on her flirtatious voice, "I haven't seen you in a long time." Alanna had developed a crush on Cam since she met him four years ago. I could never tell if Cam ever slightly liked her back. It's so hard to read him.

"Hi Alanna," He said. She sighed then said something about getting back to work and left us all in an awkward silence.

"A weird one she is," Cam said with a chuckle. I rolled my eyes and smacked his shoulder.

"That's only because she likes you!" I said. The rest of the day passed slowly in silence most of the time. I didn't know what to say to my brothers. For the first time in a long time- I was speechless.

A month and a half had pasted since I had joined the Order in the fight against Voldemort. I had never thought this tragic day would come. If you would have told me this a month in a half ago I probably would have laughed in your face. I sat on a hard chair clenching the warm soft hands of my two best friends Lily and Alanna. They sat on either side of me in silence, except for the occasional choked sob from Alanna.

Lily was strong for both of us. She had not known them very well but she still showed signs of sorrow that another wizard had been murdered by the workings of Lord Voldemort. A few salty tears fell on to my black skirt. I didn't care, I didn't think I could even feel that emotion. Hollow; is the only word that could sum it up. I felt hollow and broken, it surprised me that I could still feel the thump of my heart. I never thought I would feel anything else again.

"Honey, it's time," Alanna said from beside me. I choked out a cry of despair my hands letting go of theirs and clasping them to my mouth. Tears streamed down like they never had before, my head throbbed from the amount of tears I had cried.

"Come on, lets say goodbye," Lily said standing up. She and Alanna both helped me to my feet and walked outside to the burial site. My eyes burned at the sight of the two coffins, both open to show their peaceful faces. My heals sank into the muddy ground and soft rain feel quietly around. I closed my eyes and let them guide me to my seat at the front. We sat down and I opened my eyes to see a preacher with long graying brown hair and billowing black robes.

This was it, they were gone. Gone.

**A/N: Review please!! **


	5. Sorrow

**A/N: Thank you all who reviewed—and to all who read but did not review. It was hard to write this chapter—its not very happy. I've never written anything quite this sad in a long time, I hope it serves its purpose. So here is goes...**

**Chapter 5: Sorrow**

* * *

The caskets were closed with a snap. It sounded so--final. As they were being lowered into the muddy cold ground my knees went suddenly weak. I started to sway dangerously but a strong arm fixed itself around my waist. I glanced to my right to see who my savior was- Sirius Black.

Hoping to God he wouldn't ask 'Are you ok?' I sniffed and threw my arms around his neck, sobbing quietly. I felt if I was to loud I would disturb the peaceful sleep of my two brothers. I could feel Sirius's stubbly chin and his lips pressed on my neck. He wasn't kissing me, they were just set there like he was resting his head.

"Oh Evie," I heard and felt him whisper. At that moment I didn't care about what happened between me and him so many years ago. Compared to this it almost seemed childish.

The preacher was at my side and patted my back, I let go of Sirius and turned to him. I felt Sirius's hand slip into my own, lacing his fingers between my own cold ones. It was a friendly gesture-I would thank him for it later.

"Miss Grey, you have my utmost condolences. I hope my words did them justice, I can see they had many people who loved and cared about them," He said with kind eyes. I took my free hand and gave him a one armed hug. He returned it, then patted Sirius on the back and walked away.

Sirius's other hand cupped my cheek for a moment and then said, "I would ask if you needed anything but I know you hate help, and people asking stupid questions. There is not much really I can say."

"I just need to be alone right now," I said rubbing my thumb on his hand and letting go. It looked as if he was going to say something else but he bit his lip and turned away. There was nothing he could say to make me feel and better-or for that matter any worse.

I'd felt this way once before, when my mother died. When someone so close to you passes away, I believe a little piece of yourself goes with them. It's a pain that is dull and eats away at you-- people sometimes ask me if the pain really ever goes. I answer them honestly by saying, "No it never goes away. You just think about it less over time, but when you do that dull monster always comes back."

People often think the only way a heart can break is when you lose a boyfriend or the love of you life. Oh, but the heart can break in so many more ways than that-- I am living proof.

I watch as people are giving me their sympathy and love, and hugs and kisses on the cheek. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience, watching my self receive the sorrows of others.

"Come on, lets get you home and warm," Lily said to me taking my hand. The bleak scenery of tomb stones swirled around as we disapperated back to my apartment.

* * *

The next week and a half were a blur of events I can barely remember. Of what I do remember I was on the couch with a cup of tea most of the time, staring off into space- other wise known as my sunshine colored wall. Or so the paint can said.

Alanna walked in unannounced declaring that it was time for me to take a shower. I moved at a sluggish pace to my bathroom, ran the water steaming hot, and stood under the stream. I started doing my normal shower routine without realizing; shampoo, lather soap, shave, rinse, conditioner.

Forty-five minutes later I was dressed and sitting on my kitchen stool with a fresh cup of tea.

"Why are you here?" I asked watching Alanna bustle around my tiny kitchen. She looked up from what she was doing, surprised.

"I would think that is obvious," She said holding up her wand and a blow filled with some kind of dough.

"Feeding me?"

"Well your not feeding yourself, someones got to do it," Alanna said sighing continuing to move her wand around in a circular motion. I recognized the dough after a few minutes.

"By feeding cookies?"

"Well Lily looks like the type of person who would make you eat healthy food, even if she doesn't herself. So I volunteered to come, at least your getting some cookies." I nodded agreeing with her, then I glanced at the clock it read 5:45 PM.

"Am I sad or what?"

"What do you mean?" Alanna asked still mixing.

"I've been in this apartment for almost two weeks doing nothing but living on that couch. I haven't even gone to work! I've probably lost my job. It's sad really."

"Evie, no one is expecting you to do anything. You just lost your brothers! I wouldn't blame you if you sat on that couch another month as long as you ate and showered," She said smiling sympathetically. I could see that her eyes were getting watery and she turned a way.

"It's ok if you miss them," I said getting up and hugging her and then adding, "You should have gotten your chance with Cam. I'm sorry." I knew she was upset over the death of Cam, she truly liked him.

"I can't help thinking 'what if', you know?" She said letting a few tears fall. They had went on a couple dates but Cam was never the type to stop and see if it could really work. Never the long-term guy.

"And poor little Benji!" She cried. The lump in my throat rose and my tears fell. Poor little Benji, my baby brother, only six.

"I'm sorry Evie! Lets stop talking about that." I nodded taking my seat and wiping my eyes dry.

"Lily told me to tell you Sirius said he is coming by tonight, to check on you."

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Seriously? Because he wants to know how you are."

"Couldn't she just tell him?"

"No."

"Fine."

"Giving up so quickly?"

"I know I wont win. What's the use." Alanna gave me a weird look, I know I was always up for a fight. But I didn't feel like fighting a battle I was destined to lose.

* * *

We are sitting on the couch staring at each other.

"I know this sounds stupid, but are you doing any better?" Sirius asked. He had just gotten here and seemed determined to make absolutely sure I was ok.

"For the fifth time Sirius, I'm doing ok. As well as I can be," I answered him rolling my mascara ladened eye. It seemed that Alanna had been itching to 'make me over' so I let her mess around with my hair and make up. She forcefully tried to straighten my long curly mass for about two hours, cursed, then decided that curly looked better on my anyway. I knew she was just trying to make me feel better.

"You look really pretty, by the way," He said throwing his arm over the back of the couch. That's funny, because I don't feel pretty. Not at all.

"Oh, well thanks. Also I want to thank you for being there for me at the funeral, it meant a lot," I said smiling weakly.

"Evie, you don't have to thank me at all. I was in need for comfort as well, Cam and I were becoming best mates again at Saber Sanctuary like old times," He said rubbing my arm. A few moments of silence passed, Sirius's hand was now in mine. His thumb was rubbing the pad of my hand absentmindedly.

"I feel like it's all me fault! If I had only come up with a better plan! I knew he couldn't resist coming out of that house!" I said suddenly letting out a sob. Sirius wrapped his arms around my body rubbing a hand up and down my back. It felt so good having someone be with me, someone to know my pain.

"It wasn't your fault! Don't ever think that, you did the best you could. Your plan would have worked too if it hadn't been for the spy or the letter," He whispered into my ear. The spy—who was it? Someone in the Order was leaking information to the Dark Lord, that's how he was always one step ahead of the game. The letter was what hurt me the most, because thats how Benji was involved. A ransom note was sent to Cam about Benji, Cam trying to be the noble brother went after him getting himself and Benji killed.

"My father must have been involved also, I mean who else could have given them Benji? I can't believe he would do that to his own child," I said into his shoulder sniffing.

"You don't think your father killed them for Voldemort?"

"For his sake I hope not," I said venomously.

"I know it doesn't seem like it now but things will get better," Sirius said.

"I don't know. You promise?" I asked childishly, but I didn't care.

"Cross my heart."

We finally broke from our embrace and gazed into each others eyes. I made a decision in split second and leaned in and so did he after a moments hesitation, we kissed for the first time in four years. And four years seemed to long, way too long. This was the comfort that I needed at the moment.

As we deepened we explored each others mouths like a path we'd both taken long ago. I bit his lower lip and I could feel a smirk forming on his soft lips. His hands were cradling my face and mine threw his hair. Suddenly our kiss quickly became more passionate and furious, I moaned his name. He broke the kiss and smiled, he moved from beside me to in front of me on his knees. I knew this drill; I snaked my legs around his middle and placed my arms around his neck, he put his arms under my rear and stood up. He started walking towards my bedroom, I began to kiss his neck.

"I missed you," I said into his ear then biting the lobe, he chuckled and set me down on the bed.

"As did I," He said. He set him self on top kissing me again but more slowly and softly. He worked his way to my neck and started to fiddle with the buttons on my shirt.

"Let me help," I said pulling the shirt over my head revealing a black bra. I heard his breath hitch in his throat, and I smiled pulling him back to kissing.

"Evie, I've got to go," He said sighing against my swollen lips. I was confused, what just happened? Everything was going so right!

"Huh?"

"I just...I can't...You're not thinking right. I mean your brothers, and I just can't," he said at the door.

"But..."

"No, It's not a good idea," He said closing the door. And here I lay on my bed in my bra and jeans, with a look of absolute shock and a feeling of foolishness.

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**A/N: Wow, kind of depressing huh:) Review.**


	6. Foolish

**A/N: Wow sorry it has taken SO long!! I've been moving, just got a new computer, and starting school...so its all been coming really fast. Sorry again.**

**Thanks for the reviews!! **

**This chapter is not very long, and sorry, but it's better than nothing right:) Oh I also apologize for any mistakes.  
**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 6: Foolish**

* * *

"He said it wasn't a good idea," I said to Alanna and Lily the following day. Lily and Alanna had become fast friends since they met a couple days before the funereal. Lily loved learning about the different ways they taught at Beauxbaton the school that Alanna attended, and vise versa.

"He was trying to do the right thing," Lily said patting my arm then adding while lifting her tea cup to her mouth, "For the first time."

"I felt so stupid after he left! I can't believe I jumped on the first guy I saw for some sympathy sex!" I whimpered burying my head in my arms.

"You were hurting Evie, we both understand," Alanna said.

"Yeah, and he probably brought it on as much as you did," said Lily.

"But I leaned in first."

"So what? Would you still be feeling foolish if he leaned in first but still left?" Alanna asked rubbing my back.

"Most likely."

"So there! It would have happened either way," Lily said getting up at the sound of the doorbell and disappearing into the hall. I hoped it wasn't anyone I had to talk to, I felt so awful. Lily reappeared with Sirius Black trailing glumly behind her. He sat down at the empty seat of my kitchen table and stared dead into my eyes. Paying no attention to Lily or Alanna. After a few awkward moments passed Alanna finally broke the silence by saying;

"Lily don't you have to go meet James?"

"Oh yes," Lily said getting the hint and saying her goodbyes.  
"And I have to write that column on the Wimborn Wasps!" She said getting up and also leaving me alone with Sirius. They would pay later.

"Evie I'm sorry about last night," He said moving into a seat closer to me and taking my hand. I withdrew my hand and put them both in my lap under the table. He looked hurt by the gesture but continued to intensely stare at me. I didn't say anything and avoided his stare by looking at my tea cup.

"I thought I would be taking advantage of you," He said.

"Sirius I just wanted some comfort. And instead of waking up feeling comforted and happy, I woke up feeling stupid and foolish," I said finally meeting his eye. Obviously it wasn't what he thought I would say.

"So you wanted to sleep with me?" He asked clueless. How thick can you get?

"No, I was just striping down to my underwear to be a tease," I said sarcastically.

"I didn't want you to regret it," He said.

"Now I think I'm regretting everything I did with you four years ago!" I huffed.

"You don't mean that. You were the happiest you'd ever been when we were together, the same for me!" He's right, I didn't regret any of it. I had loved him.

"Well if you were _so_ happy, who was Becca Lawrence?" I said slamming my hand on my rickety wooden table.

"It was a mistake..." He started calmly but I interrupted.

"No a mistake is when you drop a glass or break a window, this was no mistake!"

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" he said throwing his hands up.

"As many times as it takes for you to _finally_ realize that your little 'mistake' caused you to throw two years of absolute bliss down the drain! As many times as it takes for you to see that in the time that I needed you the most you were screwing around with another girl! My mother had just died for Merlin's sake!" I yelled at him.

"Well if I'm so terrible why did you want to sleep with me last night? You weren't so caught up in the past then!" He argued.

"I'm writing it off as a moment of weakness in my part! A moment of shear stupidity! For that matter I'm glad you walked out last night, because you're right, I probably would've regretted it!" I said hotly. He looked me with blazing eyes for a moment, then rose from his chair.

"I meant what I said last night, that I've missed you too," He said weakly walking away from the fight. I didn't say anything to him, I just let him walk out. Even though I wanted to scream to him that I had meant it too, that I wouldn't have regretted it. I didn't know if I would ever forgive him for what he did four years ago, it was still clearly etched into my mind's eye. I could distinctly remember the feeling I had when I walked in on them in his dormitory on the same bed we had been with each other, it was like my stomach had fell to the floor dragging my heart along with it. Every happy memory that I had of us together in that dormitory was tainted. I _wanted_ to forgive him, but that will be one of hardest things I will ever have to do. _If_ I ever do.

* * *

**Review!!**


	7. Could you?

**A/N: Wow, sorry guys for leaving you high and dry with out a update! Very very very sorry! I've been busy with life and the like. :) Studying, working hard, the usual. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 7:

* * *

The whole room grew into an uneasy quite as Dumbledore stood up to give his newest speech. There was a sense of foreboding in the air, I could almost taste the tense feelings of my fellow Order members.

"Most of you, if not all, have come aware of the fact there is a spy among us. This said spy, is leaking information to followers of Voldemort or Voldemort himself. I shall not point fingers of who I think this person is, simply because I do not know. The spy could be in this very room with us, or not present at all. What I want from all of you is to choose your friends and who you confide your personal information with very wisely.

"With that said, I do not want you to turn your back on the others in this room either. Just use careful judgment, as I'm sure, in these times you already do."

A mummer flew across the room, suspicious glances were being cast to and fro, and the scraping of chair legs moving away from each other was echoing. Dumbledore sighed heavily casting a long hard look at the occupants in the headquarters.

"On to safer subjects that I wish to discuss..."

From there, I stopped listening completely. It would be nothing said that I hadn't heard before. I had gone back to work yesterday only to be greeted by a large looming pile of paper work. Mr. Grant said I couldn't have a story till he thought I was up for it. Which was total bollocks.

I felt a pair of eyes boring into me, I looked up to catch Sirius staring. He didn't look away, in fact, I would say the look only intensified. It had been two days since our row and this was the first time I had seen him. So many mixed feelings came to me when I thought of him; lust, hate, and sadly remnants of love that I had once felt for him.

I glanced at Remus, who sat beside him, he gave me one of his small quirky smiles. I could still feel Sirius's eyes on me so I settled for my hands.

After an hour of Dumbledore's speech, questions and answers the meeting was over. I wanted to get out as soon as possible, I knew Sirius would try and track me down.

I rose from my chair, grabbing my messenger bag and taking a few quick steps toward the exit.

"Evie, please," I heard Sirius say into my ear just above a whisper. I stopped not turning around and felt Sirius's hand grip my waist.

"Can we talk about this? Lets get a drink, anything. Please?" He asked. I turned around and surveyed him-- pleading eyes and his legendary pout.

"One drink, thats all."

* * *

"Did you really regret it? Us, I mean to say," He said to break the silence at our small table in The Three Broomsticks.

"No, I was just angry. I don't regret a minute," I admitted truthfully.

"I'm sorry."

"For what, you've done so many things," I weakly joked.

"For Becca Lawrence." I couldn't say anything. What could I say? I forgive him? No, that would be a complete lie. It's okay? It's not okay- another lie. I understand? Not that one either.

"So, after all these years am I forgiven?" He asked carefully.

"No."

"What? Come on Evie, its been four years. I loved you, and I made a mistake. Remember the other night, before we fought, remember all those times. Surely, you loved me too? Please tell me you loved me, please tell me you could love me again," He said reaching for my hand. He grasped it and he gave me a chill I had known so well. The chill I had only ever gotten with him.

"I loved you, but I don't know if I could again. I don't think I can take being hurt again. Not just by you, but by anyone. I'm too broken," I said looking down at our hands. His thumb stoked my hand, and his other hand suddenly reached up and pushed my chin up genitally.

"Let me be the one that puts you back together."

"I can't, please don't make this any harder on me," I gasped, as a tear trailed down my face.

"I will prove to you that I've changed, and hurting you, that would be the last thing I would ever want to do."

I just sniffed and stood from my seat, I needed to get away from him before I did something stupid; like give in.

"I would ask you not to go, but there is no stopping you," He said not meeting my bleary eyes. I blinked once, like taking a mental snapshot of him. The look he had killed me. His eyes were uncharacteristically watering up and emotional. I had to get out of there, and fast. I turned to go but he was up and grabbed my arm spinning me on the spot to face him.

With out a seconds warning his lips were on mine, we were kissing in a middle of a pub. I didn't even care. His tongue slid smoothly against my bottom lip, I kissed him with all the pent up passion that I never had for anyone else. But, realizing to soon, of what I was doing I broke it.

"Bye, Sirius," I said backing away.

"That's it? Just bye?"

"Yes." And I walked out leaving him confused and probably hurt.

* * *

I walked blindly down the street, my eyes glazed with tears and not caring about the people I carelessly bumped into. Sirius, my brothers, the Order—they were all being thrown too fast at me. I needed time to process this. Clumsily, I stumbled over a loose stone in the walkway, and fell straight into a dark looming man. He twisted my wrist and arm back pushing my front hard against a shop wall. I gasped for air, having the wind knocked out of me. The arm that was not twisted behind me grasped for my wand that was located in my messenger bag. The man saw this and twisted the other arm as well.

"Who...are...you," I managed through gasps of fridge night air. He didn't answer me, instead he replied;

"Joined the Order now have we? Evangeline, that was very naughty of you."  
I knew that heartless calm voice, Aiden Grey.

"Dad," I cried my voice breaking from the pain he was inflicting on my arms.

"What shall I do with you? Same fate as your brothers? Sad really, I always thought you had a promising future with _us_," He said putting more pressureon my arms and back with every word. I thought it was the end, I was going to die just like my brothers. In the hands of our cruel father.

"But don't give me all the credit, dear. If it wasn't for our spy in the Order it would have never been possible."

"Who is it?" I croaked out.

"Ah, someone nobody would ever suspect," He said. He loosened his twist on my arms and forcefully spun me around to face him. He pinned my wrists on either side of my head, I looked him straight in the eye and spit in his face. He didn't even flinch.

"Just like your damn mother, you are. She didn't go down easily either," He said smiling maliciously.

"What...what are you talking about?" I said shocked. He killed her? Not possible, she died from a stroke. Or so we thought.

"You really thought she could live knowing what she did. I had to depose of her," He said roughly as if she was just a piece of trash.

"You have ruined..." I began but was cut off by a sharp blow to the cheek. He had let go of one of my arms I took advantage of this and quickly snatched my wand from my bag. I held it to his neck as if it was a knife.

He laughed coldly, like a mad man, he let go of my other arm and took three steps back.

"Could you do it Evie? _Could_ you kill me?" I took a steading breath. I stood gazing at the man who ruined my life by killing the three people whom I loved the most. My family. I kept my wand pointed at him and my head held high.

"No. I didn't think you could. So, what are you going to do now? The moment is gone, and did you really think I was unarmed?" He pulled his black wand form his long over coat.

"Stupify!" I yelled but he cut me off with a quick Expelliarmus, my wand went flying into his open hand.

"Avada..." He said, but a spell hit him at his left, he crumpled stiffly to the ground. I fell back against the wall closing my eyes and breathing heavily. I felt two strong arms wrap around me and pull me into a hug.

"Are you okay?" I heard the man ask. I pulled back to see the face of my savior, to find Remus Lupin gazing down at me. I just hugged him tighter and buried my face into his shabby robes and began to sob.

"Shh, now. Come with me to my flat. We'll have a cup of chocolate, eh?" He said rubbing my back. I nodded weakly, picking up my wand that lay beside my father, and allowed him to guide me down the streets on London to a brown brick apartment building.

"Sit, please," he said as he opened the door to his apartment to reveal a small living room. I sat and closed my eyes to let the nights events soak in. I should have known. How could I have been so thick over the years. She knew too much about him and his _Master_, I suppose.

"Here we are," Remus said softly as he handed me a steaming mug.

"Thanks," I weakly murmured. We sat in silence for a few moments, sipping at the chocolate.

"Should I owl Sirius or, um, maybe Lily?" He said uncomfortably.

"Why would you do that?" I asked slowly regaining my composure with every sip.

"Well, I mean, er. Evie, lets be honest, I'm not exactly the best person to give comfort and emotional support. I mean Sirius and Lily both care for you, not that I don't care for you its just that you are closer with them and I don't know what to do. What should I do? I made chocolate..."

"Remus, love, don't worry about it. I will figure this out on my own. I just need some time for this to sink in. And besides, you saved my life. I owe you like eternal servitude or something along those lines," I said trying to smile but it came out as more of a grimace. He looked unconvinced so I continued with;

"Besides I had just gotten away from Sirius. I don't really feel like dealing with him again tonight. Why were you there any way?"

"I was headed to the pub, Sirius wanted me to meet him there an hour after the meeting," Remus said leaning back into the couch.

I nodded then said, "Will he be worried?"

"If he is, he'll stop by."

"Well, I should be going." I said getting up, not wanting to take any chances on meeting Sirius. Remus rose with me and grabbed my arm. I winced in pain, my whole arm was sore

"What? You really think you're leaving by yourself? He's might be waiting at your place, I just hit him with simple stunning spell. It will have worn off by now, no, you're staying put." he said pacing the small bit of unoccupied floor space he had.

I continued muttering to himself, something about contacting Dumbledore, and that I will have to go into hiding like Cam.

"Whoa, whoa, I am not hiding myself away. Not from him. I wont." I said defiantly holding my head high.

"Evie, don't be daft. This is your life, your father should be the least of your worries. He-who-should-not-be-named should be number one. He'll find you," Remus said looking me dead in the eye. We stood like that for a good minute, daring the other to look away. I forgot how damn stubborn Lupin could be, and he was probably thinking the same thing about me. He looked away first at the sound of a knock, he turned away and looked threw the peep hole and swung the door open.

"Moony, I was worried mate. I had a horrible night..." Sirius had began saying, but cut himself off at the sight of me. He cocked his head to one side, like a curious puppy and glanced at Remus.

"I'll be going now," I said almost jogging out the door. Remus caught me around the middle and shut the door with his other arm.

"Oh no you don't," He said letting me go.

"Come on Remus, I have to feed my...cat," I said lamely.

"You don't have a cat, you're allergic," Sirius said from the other room. Obviously he had walked away at the sight of Remus grabbing me.

"Well I have to feed my birds."

"You leave the window open for them to hunt, mind you, is a very thick thing to do," Sirius shot back returning with a cup of hot chocolate. Damn him, and how well he knows me. Remus looked at me quickly then said;

"She had a run in with her father Sirius." Sirius's head shot up from his mug and up at me.

"Are you ok?" He asked softly and was up and at my side in two steps. He examined my arms and wrists, they were red and slightly swollen, there were distinct finger marks that would soon form into bruises. He fingered the bracelet that he had given me a little over a month ago. Then raising my hand to his lips he kissed the palm keeping eye contact the entire time, my stomach filled with excited butterfly's at the touch. He turned away to Remus to no doubt discuss what they should do with me.

"I'm fine," I stated but was openly ignored.

"I'll kill 'em Moony," I heard Sirius growl a little too loud. He was abruptly 'shhed' by Remus, and continued.

"Evie, can you stay here for the night?" Remus asked pleading looking over Sirius's shoulder. I knew they were doing this for my best interest, but seriously, I could take care of myself. I had done it since I could remember. I rolled my eyes at them both and turn around staring out the only window in the tiny living room. I felt Sirius behind me, he placed his hands on my waist as always.

"You could always just stay with me..." It was more of a question than a statement. It was a bad- wait, horrible idea. But was it better than awkwardly spending the night with Remus? Yes.

"Ok," I whispered.

"She's going to stay with me, I promise I wont let her leave if it'll make you happy," Sirius said clapping Remus on the back.

* * *

"Something to drink?" Sirius asked as we walked into Saber Sanctuary.

"No, thanks though."

"No problem." I just nodded and flung myself on to the couch in the back room where a fire blazoned bright and warm. He sat on the floor leaning his body on the side, one arm on a cushion beside my stomach propping his head up.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I debated whether I should tell him. Sure, I trusted him enough, I just didn't feel like reliving that whole situation just yet.

"Not now."

"Okay, I understand."

I shook my head and huffed, "He killed her Sirius."

"Killed who?"

"My mum." He staid silent for a long time, I guess finally deciding he was not going to comment.

"Nevermind, I don't want to talk about that right now," I said flipping over so I was not facing him. I sniffed back a tear, but that just made it worse. I cried silently until I felt that I was being lifted off the couch.

"What...what are you doing?" I said holding on to his neck. I was being carried up the stairs and into a hallway.

"We are going to sleep," He said as if that was the answer to everything. I nodded my tears slowly fading away and my vision becoming more crisp.

"Hmm...in your bedroom?" I asked suspiciously.

He chuckled lightly and said, "Don't worry Princess I wont try anything. But there is not another bed in the house except your brothers or the couch." I mental made a note to myself to thank him later for that kind gesture. He laid me down on the soft black comforter.

"But, I was going to sleep on the couch anyway."

"Oh. You don't..."

"I know I don't have to sleep on the couch because there is your brothers room but I don't..."

"No," I said sleepily yawning and cutting him off, "You can stay here. With me."

I stretched my arms, getting up and shuffling over to his closet. I pulled out some draw string gray sweat pants and a black tee shirt, I went into the bathroom to change and wash up. _Sirius Black and I, Evie Grey—same bed. Bad idea._

I came out deciding it was too late now to change the sleeping arrangements, he was already under the covers and changed.

I crawled under the black down blanket and sighed, Sirius's cologne. I yawned, tossing and turning, until I got absolutely comfortable.

"I forgot how terrible it was to sleep in the same bed as you," He joked pulling me near him. My back was against in torso, our body's fit together like two puzzle pieces. I felt his breathing slow down and he said quietly,

"G'night love." He said as he did every night so long ago. And I would always reply in my childish manner;

"Don't let he bed bugs bite." He chuckled in my ear as hands roamed to my arms, then to my stomach, and finally to my thigh.

"Sirius, please stop."

"Hmph why?" He asked half asleep.

"Because your this wont end well. And I may recall you saying something like you wouldn't try anything?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." He stopped and moved his arm so it was laying across my own. We were in silence for a few moments, all except the distant ticking of an ancient clock.

"Evie?"

"Yeah?" I said sleepily.

"Could you...could you love me again?" He asked tentatively with a gentle voice. I didn't know how to answer him. Could I? I wasn't sure. There were so many emotions flying around in my head it was hard to pick out the one that was love.

I flipped over to face him and reached out to his cheek. He closed his eyes from the contact and put his hand over mine.

"I don't know right now." It was the plain truth, it was more hopeful than a flat no. Besides, I would always love Sirius, I just didn't know whether I would let myself.

* * *

**A/N: Review, please? As a late Christmas gift:)**


	8. Waiting on Love

**A/N: Whoa, its been a lifetime since i've last updated. I had writers block for the longest time. I also let a guy really get in the way of my life. I just got through the worst heartbreak I've been though so far. And im still not over it. He still has my heart unfortunately. But im working on getting over him. But im really sorry for no updates. I'll try not to let it happen again.**

**Chapter 8: Waiting on Love**

* * *

I woke up alone in a strange, unfamiliar bed, stretching I studied the room. I realized where I was at once and all of the previous nights advents rushed back to me. Sometimes I wish I could just forget half the things I have been through. It would make life a hell of a whole lot easier. Yawning, I fell back into the soft confinements of the black sheets. I had so many things to think over, and the biggest question that has been plaguing my mind; Who is the spy?

Thinking about it made me uneasy and betrayed, I knew every single person in the Order how could one of them just go and tell Voldemort everything. There was a knock on the door and Sirius walked in, he sighed as he sat down at the foot of the bed.

He sat in silence for a few moments before finally saying, "Morning, I made some coffee for you, it's in the kitchen."

"Thanks." He nodded in acknowledgment.

Another slightly uncomfortable silence fell upon us, I sat up pushing back the covers he watched me carefully. As I started towards the door but he grabbed my wrist spinning me back around to face him. I looked down at his hand then back to his face questioningly.

"You are the strongest person I know," He said simply, gazing into my eyes.

"Hmm, I don't think so," I said trying to turn away again.

"Stop being modest, take a complement."

I stared blankly at him. Strongest person he knew? If only he knew that I felt so alone, that I didn't think I could take it anymore, that there was really there was nothing left for me to do. But I couldn't tell him that, no, just take the compliment.

"Thanks, I guess. What time is it?" I asked it finally hitting me that it was Tuesday.

"Ten something why?" He asked shrugging.

"I have a job, unlike you!" I said franticly. I ran to the bathroom and ran the water steaming hot, he followed me in.

"I do so have a job!" He said childishly with his arms crossed.

"A job that never requires working? Where do I send in my resume?" I asked pushing him out then adding as an afterthought, "I'll probably need a new job, I've missed so many days already!"

"I'll have you know that I _do_ work! I just happen to go in later on Tuesdays!" he said picking me up and taking me back to the bedroom.

"Sirius put me down! Now! I have to get ready for work!" I said seriously, hitting his back.

"I've already owled them, telling them that you were attacked last night and are too emotionally unstable to come in," He said smiling throwing me on he bed then getting on himself.

"Sirius!" He crawled on top of me his legs on either sides of my hips pinning me down, his hands held down my wrists so it was impossible for me to wriggle free.

"Hey now, you have the day off! Don't be cross with me. If anything you should be graciously thanking me." I rolled my eyes wondering what he was planing to do. Part of me knew, and the other part of me wanted to pretend that I was completely clueless. He started to lean down to kiss me, but I stopped him by saying;

"Please don't Sirius." He frowned and kissed my forehead then my cheeks stopping at my mouth once more.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not ready to be with you again yet." There. I said it.

"So, you want to be with someone else? Or what?" He asked his eyes shown hurt as they bore into my own.

"I don't know. All I do know is that someday, not now, but someday maybe I would want to try again. But not now."

"I can't wait for you forever Evie. I've waited four years, asking much more of me is unfair."

"I never told you to wait."

"You also never told me not to, I've waited all this time. Just to know that I might have one more chance with you, just one. But I thought when that chance came you would want me back, I guess not." He said rolling off of me and laying on his back staring at the ceiling.

"I'm sure you didn't just stay single for four years." I scoffed.

"No, but none of them were serious. I would have dropped everything for you." He said taking my hand.

"Sirius you shouldn't have waited all that time for me, I mean you could be in a committed relationship or married by now!"

"Why would I marry or be with someone I would never love? I would never love anyone but..."

I interrupted him by saying, "Please don't finish that sentence. It'll just make me feel worse."

"You." I sighed and and got up from the bed.

"Evie, you are very independent and I admire you deeply for it. But, you have _always_ needed a shoulder to cry on. If its not me then sadly its going to be some other bloke, so please try not to get your heart broken." I closed my eyes tightly to hold back my tears and grabbed my coat and purse that were laying on a chair.

"Where are you going Evie? They could be looking for you now," He said calmly following me to the main hall to the front door.

"I don't care. I have to get out of here from here for a moment. To get my head straight," I said still holding back those persistent tears.

"Are you coming back?"

"Yes."

"You're not are you? You're lying," He said still behind. He spoke so calmly, I knew he was worried about me but it was something that I needed to do, that I _must_ do.

"First, I'm finding the spy. Then my dad."

"That's suicide," He said still in the deathly calm voice.

"I don't care."

"Do you want help? Of course you don't, how daft of me."

"I'll be back I promise." I said turning to face him. The worry that was so clearly etched into his face made my heart almost stop. I ran a hand across his cheek, then to his neck and pulled his face close to mine. We brushed our lips together softly and I pulled away.

"I love you Evie."

Without a word I turned and left, hoping that he knew I loved him too because I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to.

* * *


	9. Remembering

**A/N: Haha, I was re-reading some of the chapters of this story and in chapter 4, Sirius writes a letter to Evie and addresses it to Julia..I guess I was so used to writing Welcome to My Life I slipped up. :) Thought that was funny. Anywho... hope you enjoy the chapter. :)**

**And thanks for all the reviews!! **

**This chapter gives you a little background on Sirius and Evie's relationship..hope its not too slow.**

**Chapter 9: Remembering the past, forgetting the present**

* * *

Finding out who a spy is? Well, it's harder then one might think. Finding a Death Eater father? Easy, when they he's already looking for you. That's how I got into this predicament.

"So what's your next move pumpkin?" my father spat at me. We had our wands drawn at one another, trying to guess the others next advancements. I ignored his comment and concentrated on what I was doing. A flash of green light burst from his wand and rocketed towards me. I blocked it easily sending a hex in return, it was blocked skillfully.

"Can't we stop this little dance Evie? We both know your not going to kill me, and we both know even if you tried you would fail dismally. And we also both know that..." He stopped mid-sentence as my killing curse hit him square in the chest. His body crumbled into a heap on our hardwood floors. My hand unconsciously dropped my wand, it clattered to the floor and I fell to my knees.

"I just killed...I just..killed..." I repeated to myself over and over staring at my fathers body. What had I done? Surely I would have suffered the same fate if I had continued the duel, but I had just killed a human being. My father no less! In my childhood home! In the exact spot I used to open Christmas presents.

I blinked, remembering why I had killed him. Remembering why he had to die. My brothers, my mum. Then my mind went into overdrive. A million thoughts flew in and out of my minds eye. What should I do with the body? Would more Death Eaters come after me because of this? Would I go to Askaban for murdering a Death Eater?

I got up and paced in front of my dead father, casting nervous looks towards it. _Just leave,_ I decided. That's what I did, I left my childhood home for probably the last time, my father lying dead on the floor.

* * *

"Sirius!" I yelled bursting through his flat door. I quickly checked every room calling his name.

"Maybe he does have a job." I checked my wrist watch, 7:50 p.m.

_Surely he wont be much longer, _I thought. I decided to wait on him to return home and fell back onto his leather couch, noticing the first time that the wall on my left was covered in pictures. I recognized most of them because I was present for most. James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter suck their tongues at me from one of them, they were wrapped up in warm jackets and covered in snow outside the castle. I chuckled to myself, I remembered that day perfectly. It was over Christmas break sixth year and we had all decided to stay at Hogwarts. It was also the day Sirius kissed me for the first time.

"_Come on Evie! Take the picture already! I'm freezing my...well, let's just say somethings freezing!" James shouted. I giggled as the boys smiled for the picture, I made them suffer for a moment pretending to fix the lens. _

"_Evie!" Sirius whined, then he winked at me._

"_Okay, okay!" I said laughing. Right as I clicked the the button on the camera they all suck out their tongues, Sirius putting bunny ears behind Peter's head._

"_Aw come on guys! For once I would like to have a picture with all of you smiling!" I chuckled as I walked over to them. _

"_Wait, wait! One more!" Sirius said. He whispered to the boys. They all looked and pointed to their left using the other hand to hold their chin's. I shook my head laughing and snapped the picture._

"_Thank you my dear lady!" James said taking a deep bow. Remus rolled his eyes at him and gave me a quick smile. Blushing i turned away. I had the biggest crush on Remus for the past year, I never could bring myself to tell him. _

"_I think it's time for some hot chocolate," Remus said throwing a arm across my shoulders. We all turned and headed back to the castle. Remus's arm left my shoulders as James jumped on his back demanding a piggy back ride._

"_Just one! Please Moony! Just one!" James begged struggling to hold on to a angry Remus. Finally Remus managed to make James fly of his back into the snow._

"_Oh your going to get it now, wolf," James said jokingly. Remus bolted, James hot on his tail. Peter began to run after them trying to catch up._

"_Evie..." I heard Sirius say from behind me. I turned to face him a broad grin plastered on my face. _

"_Yes Sirius?" I asked. He caught up with me throwing a arm over my shoulders just like Remus had, but it felt different. Sure, the boys put their arms around me all the time but this time was unlike other times. I could tell by the glances Sirius kept sneaking as we walked towards the castle._

"_What is it Sirius?" I asked stopping in my tracks. He was looking down nervously at his snow covered trainers. I placed a hand on his arm and squeezed gently._

"_Come on, I've never seen you nervous in front of me before," I said smiling wondering what it was to cause him to act like that. _

_He raised his head and met my eyes saying, "Your right."_

_He took a step forward confidently, totally obstructing my personal space. I gulped nervously realizing what was about to happen. He placed a hand on my cheek his thumb slowly caressing it. He looked deep in my eyes and he kissed me like I'd never been kissed before. At first it was slow and unsure until I started to hesitantly kiss him back and my arms moved around his neck to pull him closer. I felt him smile against my lips and then slid his tongue across my bottom lip. I felt butterfly's building up in my stomach. _

I sighed. Times were so much easier then, so carefree. I turned my attention to another moving picture. It was of Sirius and I, we were sitting under the willow tree in front of the lake. He was holding me in his arms my back resting on his chest and his head resting on my shoulder. It was in our seventh year right before graduation and before I caught him cheating with Becca.

"_Hey Evie?" Sirius said kissing the top of my head._

"_Hmm?" _

"_I was wondering, after graduation whether you would want to live together? You know we could get a flat in Diagon Alley so it'll be close to the Prophet for you. Only if you want." I turned around and straddled him, I kissed him on his nose. He smiled licking my cheek._

"_Eww!" I yelped wiping my face on his tee shirt. He chuckled and began tickling my sides I tried to scramble away but he climbed on top of me. He continued to tickle me and I laughed so hard I started to tear up._

"_Sirius! Sirius!" I said through side splitting laughter._

"_Oh yeah, say my name!" He said laughing along with me now. That only made me laugh harder._

"_Stop! Stop! Please! I'm dying!" I said. He stopped and fell beside me on the grass, I tried to catch my breath as I rolled over on my side to look at him._

"_I take that as a yes," Sirius said._

_I smiled and said, "Yes." Then I licked his face. _

I sobbed, it just now catching up with me. Realizing what I had done. I had actually killed someone. I found myself rethinking what I had done. Should I have giving my dad a second chance? Maybe he could have changed? Maybe...

I knew, I knew deep inside that he would never change. He had been evil and conniving since I was little, why would he change? I felt so guilty, but I also felt like I had avenged my mother and brother's which gave me an odd sense of accomplishment.

"Evie? Evie, wake up," Sirius was shaking me. I had fallen asleep on his couch then I remembered why I was at his place in the first place.

"Sirius, I killed him," I stated flatly, clutching his arm.

"You killed who? Who, Evie?" He questioned turning my face with his hand to look at him.

"My dad, I killed my dad," I cried throwing myself in his arms. He held me for a long time and stroked my hair.

"What am I going to do?" I asked him.

"Dumbledore. We'll talk to him." He kissed my forehead and carried me to his room. We laid there, me crying into his chest and him holding on to me as if he'd never let go.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"I love you too."

"I know."

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**REVIEW PEOPLE!! please!!**

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	10. Forgiveness

**A/N: Yeah, I know. It's been FOREVER. And all I can say is that I'm truly sorry. Very sorry. Indescribably sorry. **

**But, I hope you enjoy Chapter 10.**

**Chapter 10: Laugh About It**

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"I have questioned you all. I have investigated every aspect of every members life in the Order, and for the first time someone has stumped me. I know, for a fact, that there _is_ a spy in this Order. There is no question about that. The spy is undoubtedly good at what they do, so I shall give them merit for that. But I can _not_tolerate any more unnecessary deaths in this Order. Killings that I know only a spy of Voldemort's could pull off. Deaths during a battle are one thing, but being brutally murdered in their own homes? Emmeline and Marlene were killed yesterday." There was a gasp of disbelief around the room at the words of Dumbledore.

"This is an outrage!" cried Moody. There were cries of agreement at this.

"The dark mark was left over both of their houses, the rest of their family was murdered with them," Dumbledore finished.

"The children? Their children were murdered?" A French woman asked.

"Yes, the children." Dumbledore answered quietly. Sirius squeezed my hand gently, I cast a sideways glance at him. It had been three weeks since I had killed my father and no one had said anything about it since. No ministry officials came to haul me off to Askaban, nothing. And Sirius still stood by my side.

"What is to be done about this?" James asked more to the Order than to Dumbledore.

"The spy, the spy needs to be caught!" said mousy Peter. I shot a look at him, I'd never heard him speak at an Order meeting before.

"Here, here!" Remus and Sirius said together.

"We plan an attack!" Dumbledore said loudly to get their attention. Cries of agreement rang though the building.

"This plan, it will take time to prefect. I will be sending some of you on missions to help. Remus, I know that this will be difficult for you but I need you to go stay with a pack of werewolves to get them to cross over our side. Voldemort has most of them but this pack has yet to be convinced."

"James, Lily, and Sirius, I will need to see you after the meeting. Goodnight, and be safe," Dumbledore finished.

Sirius shrugged at me and let go of my hand to follow James and Lily into the parlor after Dumbledore.

* * *

After an hour and a half of waiting for Sirius, I decided to leave and go home. What ever Dumbledore had to talk to them about must be extremely important. I was going back to my apartment for the first time in about three weeks. I'd been staying at Sirius's flat in the guest bedroom, not that Sirius didn't try time and time again to get me to share his bed with him.

I apparated into the alley beside my building making sure no muggle eye's saw me.

_One of these days, when this damned war is over, I'll be able to take those security charms down and apparate inside my own home, _I thought as I jiggled the key into the lock. It was already unlocked to my surprise and dismay. I opened the door carefully with my wand at the ready. My apartment was ransacked. Furniture was ripped and torn to pieces, my walls had 'traitor' smeared in black paint, and my remainder of clothes I had left here were ripped to shreds. Even my bed posts had 'traitor' etched into the wood, and the worst was the 'traitor' in my living room. It was on the carpet; in blood.

"Fuck me," I said sighing. My foul language made me chuckle at myself. Oddly enough, none of this bothered me. Who cares if blood thirsty death eaters thought I was a traitor? They were obviously a little frightened, I killed one of their best. I guess they didn't expect me to be capable of that.

"Evie! Evie!" I heard Sirius's voice yelling from my hallway.

"Yeah? Living room," I answered distractedly. I was still gaping at the blood stained carpet.

"You know, I'll never get this out," I said pointing at 'traitor'. He stared at me in disbelief then started to laugh, I joined in.

"Why are....we laughing?" He asked between a catching his breath from the laughing.

"No bloody idea!" I said holding my side.

"Come on Evie, let's go home," He said holding out his hand, he was grinning from ear to ear. Home? Was that my home now? I had been staying there, but could I consider that as home? With Sirius?

"Okay," I said taking his hand, his smile got even broader.

* * *

"No, I don't believe you!" Sirius said shaking his head.

"I did, I swear!" I said laughing, pushing him. We were sitting on the floor in front of his wall of pictures, sharing stories and fond memories.

"Remus? Nah," he said waving the idea away.

"No, I did! From the start of Fifth year to Christmas break in our sixth year I was crazy in love with Remus."

"Christmas break of sixth year? Oh that's when.." He said remembering exactly what I remembered when I saw the snow covered picture.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you ever tell him?" he asked gazing at the picture.

"You know Remus. He never wanted to put anyone in harm's way because of his little furry problem. He's the same way now," I said pushing some hair out of Sirius's eyes before I realized what I was doing.

"It's because we were always meant to be."

"Thank you for that deep insight of why I never told Remus Lupin that I loved him," I chuckled.

"Welcome love," He said smiling then he added, "Tell me something, that one kiss between us made you fall right out of love with Remus? I'm pretty damn good."

"No, I just realized it wasn't really love. Just a crush, a crush that would never happen. But that kiss was a big push in realizing that." He nodded.

"You tell _me_ something then," I said.

"Shoot."

"What made you kiss me that day?" I asked not believing that I had never asked this before.

"I don't know, I mean I had always liked you I just had never acted on it, until that day."

"And that day was different because?" I asked.

"I guess that day I realized how few days I had left to finally admit that I was in love with you, and be with you. To love you," He said unwaveringly. I hoped that was the truth, I wanted it to be.

"Sirius, I have one more question. I want you to be completely honest. Even though I have sort of forgiven you for the Becca thing, why did you do it? I mean we were a week away from moving in together and starting a new life, and you cheat on me."

"I think it was for exactly that reason. I was frightened of starting something new, because I knew I was going to be, hopefully, spending the rest of my life with you. I was young, and I obviously didn't know how to make a good decision." I nodded. I couldn't tell whether he was telling me what I wanted to hear or the truth.

"And that is the truth."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you. Thank you for giving me a second chance," He whispered. I could feel the warmth in my cheeks as I blushed.

"You want to go to bed?" Sirius asked as he glanced up at my eyes. I knew what he meant instantly.

"Bed?"

"Only if you want."

That left me with a hefty decision. It felt like my blood was warming under my skin at the thought. His hands traced my jaw line and then he placed it on my neck. It was getting harder to form a coherent sentence to deny him. Now the only word that was forming clearly in my minds eye was yes.

He grabbed my hand and started to lead me to his bedroom.

"Do you?" He asked again while kissing me on my neck. His lips made my skin scorch here they touched. We were now only a few steps and a door away from the bedroom.

"Well Evie, do you?"

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